Zombie For President: Voter ID Laws Won't Affect 'The Walking Dead' (VIDEOS)
Posted: 08/22/2012
"Although zombies are known more for having a firm grip around their victim's throats than having a firm grasp on the issues, Zombie told The Huffington Post in an exclusive interview that he knows the issues that affect Americans, such as health care, voter ID laws and immigration.
Well, he didn't actually do the politicking.
Since most zombie quotes are just a variation of "Aaaaaargh," Patti Morgan-Zombie, his wife and campaign spokeswoman, had to translate for him.
For instance, when Zombie was asked about health care he had this to say: "Aaaargh!" Luckily, Morgan-Zombie fleshed out the quote (and you know how zombies love flesh).
"My husband says that health care is a very important issue to him, primarily because it's almost impossible to get health care as a zombie," she told HuffPost. "Even if you do get a policy, it carries a $10 million deductible. Last year, my husband had a hang nail and the co-payment was $85,000. That's why he's a proponent of 'ZombieCare.'"
Other issues important to Zombies:
Voter ID Laws: "In this country, it's one vote for each American, but when it comes to zombies, they can vote as many times as they want to. Who's going to stop them?" Immigration: "He doesn't think [reforming immigration law] will affect zombies because zombies don't carry identification any way. What differences does it make?" Bath Salts (the street drug): "My husband is not exactly for bath salts. He had a very unfortunate incident with the real bath salts. They stung badly so it's a subject he'd rather not get into."
To be fair, Zombie's chances of getting a single vote are slim and there is no record of anyone named "Zombie" registering as a candidate with the Federal Election Commission."
For instance, when Zombie was asked about health care he had this to say: "Aaaargh!" Luckily, Morgan-Zombie fleshed out the quote (and you know how zombies love flesh).
Immigration: "He doesn't think [reforming immigration law] will affect zombies because zombies don't carry identification any way. What differences does it make?"
Bath Salts (the street drug): "My husband is not exactly for bath salts. He had a very unfortunate incident with the real bath salts. They stung badly so it's a subject he'd rather not get into."